We Should Learn to Make Choices

 

Appendix: Listen to the Voice of Wisdom

 

We Should Learn to Make Choices

 

If you don’t know when to give up and spend too much time on unnecessary matters, you probably won’t reach a very high state in your lifetime. To reach the highest state, you need to receive necessary training of the soul and writing practices, which will take a quite long time. If you don’t put in enough time, you won’t make it. A lot of writers haven’t realized that, or, if they have, they can’t bear to resist the temptations. When they do see the point, it’s already too late.

 

I wrote in The Wolf of Xi Xia, “Zixiao said, the greatest change brought about by the Black Singer in her is that she has learned to differentiate and choose, which is the most powerful act of saving in her life. With his life experiences, he told her what was the most beautiful and valuable thing in the world. That is an action art of the master kind.” In fact, to a writer, too, how to choose is the most important thing to learn.

 

Of accepting and rejecting, the latter is more important. In your life, you must first learn to reject, giving up things that have nothing to do with your dreams and objectives. Giving up is really important. It includes giving up some comforts and pleasures ordinary people have. When you have reached a certain state, you will find that the so-called comforts and pleasures are as a matter of fact defilements. If you aren’t able to reach that state, you will be indulged in those defilements, and your mind will be controlled by them and can’t free itself.

 

I have a skull of a dead man in my room. It represents death. Every time I see it, I seem to hear it shout: Death! Death! It reminds me that death may fall on my head at any moment. Therefore, I used to check my own work attendance by hour. The skull keeps reminding me to cherish life.

 

Life is a rope with a certain length; the more you waste it, the shorter it becomes. If you spend it on too many trivial matters, there will be no enough time for serious work. Lots of my friends and relatives complain that I am unreasonable, because I never spend time on social interaction. This is due to my understanding of life. A lot of tragedies happen because of a waste of life. Whoever understands this will have a life with better qualities.

 

If you don’t know when to give up and spend too much time on unnecessary matters, you probably won’t reach a very high state in your lifetime. To reach the highest state, you need to receive necessary training of the soul and writing practices, which will take a quite long time. If you don’t put in enough time, you won’t make it. A lot of writers haven’t realized that, or, if they have, they can’t bear to resist the temptations. When they do see the point, it’s already too late.

 

Literary creation requires hard work; there is no shortcut. If he omits a certain step, his achievement will be less. If he doesn’t want to omit any step, there must be a life long enough.

 

So, since I was 25, I have been in the habit of checking my own attendance by hour every day. How many hours for reading? How many for writing? How many for interviewing? How many characters have I written for practicing calligraphy? Of course, later, I gave up doing this, because I couldn’t possibly waste any time. For Buddhist practice and writing have become my way of life, and the attachment I used to have are gone. Since I was 40, I have never allowed myself outside the illuminating emptiness.

 

Besides strict practice in retreat, my daily schedule is as follows: getting up at 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning, seated practice until 12, writing and dealing with miscellaneous affairs in the afternoon, reading and practice until going to bed. That’s way my relatives and friends complain that I am impersonal. Those who don’t understand me may even slander me. But for me life is only once. I can’t waste it just for some good words. It does not matter if people don’t understand; I don’t have time to bother about it. I once wrote the following lines:

 

Life is like a bubble,

 

You don’t know when it will explode.

 

Why fear people’s words,

 

So that you live your life in vain?

 

A writer, if he doesn’t experience death, can’t be mature. It is because he doesn’t meditate upon death that he is cheated by worldly things. If death is always in his mind, he will be able to see through all those illusions. Whether it is social interaction, fame, or material gains, they are passing clouds. None of these can represent your true value. The most precious thing is life. Once you lose it, you will never get it back. In my eyes, becoming famous or not is the same.

 

A writer must, first of all, enter the mundane world and go down to the bottom of life, but at the same time he must be able to remain detached from it. Getting involved in the mundane world without a mind detached from it will get him nowhere. He must try his best to experience and perceive, involve himself with ordinary people, acquaint himself with life before he can detach himself from the world. Literature, when it reaches a certain state, becomes an overflow of the soul, a spontaneous spouting of the vital force of life.

 

Detachment from the mundane world does not mean unreasonability. An understanding closer to the truth is performing the tasks of the world with a mind detached from it. Detachment from the world means making choices as to what you are going to do. With the independence of your mind, you get the freedom of your soul.

 

No doubt, I will try my best to do what I should do. For example, I will do my best to support and respect my parents and be a good son. This is more important than being a writer. It doesn’t matter if one can’t be a writer, but one must be a good son and a sensible person. Here, “sensible” refers to being able to see through illusions and treasure one’s life, and do what one should do in one’s short life.

 

When I was writing A Cult of Vast Desert, I did not expect it to be published, nor did I wish to become famous, nor did I desire it to change my life. I just wanted to finish it. During that period of time, I wrote a lot, but very little was published. If my published work could only waste other people’s time or pages, I would have burnt it.

 

In my eyes, besides the necessities for existence, all other needs are desires. Desire is endless; it lasts as long as one lives. But desire is the root of all evils. Therefore, the inscription of my novel Hunting Ground goes like this: “On the hunting ground of the soul, both you and I are the prey.”

 

One of my friends, who is a powerful government official, has always wanted to do me a favor, but I have no idea what I can ask him to do for me. When I am full and healthy, I really don’t desire anything. I just want to finish what I should do as soon as possible, so that I can smile calmly when Death approaches me.

 

During the ten years before I was forty, what I required every day was two meals: porridge of mung bean for breakfast and a meal at noon, no supper. Later, when I studied at Lu Xun Institute of Literature, concern from many teachers and the need for social interaction forced me to “break my discipline”; I had never eaten after noon before. Besides buying books, I only required two meals a day and two a year. Now that the matter of existence is solved, there is little need for money. I have a house to live in, enough food to keep me from hunger, enough clothes to wear; I don’t drink have quit smoking, and I have books to read. That’s enough. It is useless to have a lot of money.

 

If things from the outside interfere with a writer’s soul, he will never make great achievements. Only when the apparent temptations to the soul disappears will the light of wisdom appear. The saints in ancient China summarized that truth in four characters: “Meditative concentration gives rise to wisdom” (ding neng sheng hui). Wisdom arises only when one’s mind has acquired concentration. That wisdom comes from within rather than from outside.

 

Notice

 

Translated by non-professional volunteers, there would be some inaccuracies in the translation. You are welcome to offer us some advice for emendation. Please feel free to contact us.We also look forward to you joining our voluntary translation team.

 

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附录：聆听智慧的声音

 

为人做人，都应学会取舍

 

如果学不会舍，在一些不必要的事情上花去太多的时间，你或许就无法在今生达到一个很高的境界。达到最高境界，需要进行必要的灵魂历练和写作修炼，需要相对长的一段时间。若是时间不够用，今生是很难如愿的。许多作家没有感悟到这一点。也许感悟到了，但他们舍不了那种诱惑。等他们明白时，已经晚了。

 

我在小说《西夏的苍狼》中写道：“紫晓说，黑歌手改变她最大的，是帮助她学会了分辨与选择，那是她一生中最有力的挽救。他用自己人生的历练，告诉了她什么是世上最美好最值得珍惜的。那真是大师的行为艺术。”实际上，对于作家来说，如何取舍，也是最应该注重的东西。

 

取舍中，又以“舍”更为重要。在生活中，你首先就要学会舍，舍去一些跟梦想、跟你的目标无关的东西。这“舍”，是非常必要的，它包括舍去一些正常人的享受。当你达到一定境界后，就会发现，常人所谓的那种享受，其实是麻烦。但若达不到那种境界时，你就会沉溺于这些“麻烦”之中，心灵受到“麻烦”的左右，而难以自拔。

 

我的房间里放了一个死人头骨，它代表着死亡。每当我看到它，仿佛就听到它叫：“死亡！死亡！”它提醒我，死亡随时随地，都可能降临到我的头上。所以，以前我每天给自己打的考勤，是以小时来计算的。那头骨老提醒我：珍惜生命！

 

生命是一根绳子，就那么一点长度，浪费一截，就少一截。闲事上用多了，正事上就不够用了。我的好多朋友和亲戚都说我有些不近人情，原因是我从来不愿在应酬上多花时间。这源于我对生命的感悟。好多人生悲剧，就是因为不珍惜生命。谁明白了这一点，其人生无疑会更有质量。

 

如果学不会舍，在一些不必要的事情上花去太多的时间，你或许就无法在今生达到一个很高的境界。达到最高境界，需要进行必要的灵魂历练和写作修炼，需要相对长的一段时间。若是时间不够用，今生是很难如愿的。许多作家没有感悟到这一点。也许感悟到了，但他们舍不了那种诱惑。等他们明白时，已经晚了。

 

创作需要扎扎实实下苦功，许多过程都不能省略。省略了一点，他的成就便会低一点。若要不省略，必须有足够的生命。

 

所以，从二十五岁起，我一直给自己打考勤，以小时计算，每天读几个小时的书？写作几个小时？采访几个小时？练笔写了多少字？当然，后来我就不打考勤了，因为我不可能浪费一丁点的时间了。因为，修行和写作已经成为我的生活方式，我已不再有以前的那种执著。四十岁之后，我就再没让自己游离于明空之外。

 

除严格的闭关外，我的作息时间一般是这样安排的：每天三四点钟起床，座上禅修到中午十二点，下午写作或处理一些事务，晚上全用来读书和禅修。所以，亲戚朋友都骂我不近人情。有些不理解的人，也会说坏话造谣。但生命对于我来说，只有一次。我不能为了别人的几句好话而浪费它。别人不理解也没关系，反正我也顾不上在乎。我曾写过一首打油诗：“生命如水泡，不定何时灭。奈何惧人言，一生徒空过。”

 

一个作家，不经历死亡，不会真正成熟。不深思死亡，才会被世俗的东西所迷惑。当他能时时刻刻想到死亡时，就会看破那种虚幻的外现。所有的应酬也罢，名也罢，利也罢，终究是过眼云烟。这些东西都体现不了你的价值。人生最珍贵的是生命，一旦失去，永不再来。我不会用非常珍贵的生命去换一些毫无意义的东西。成名也罢，不成名也罢，在我的眼中都一样。

 

一个作家，首先要做到入世，深入到生活最底层，同时又要能够出世。仅仅入世，而没有出世心，不会有大出息。必须舍弃许多东西，才可能得到你所追求的东西。当然，若是一味出世，而不能入世，也不会成功。要感悟社会，融入百姓，熟悉生活，在此基础上，达到出世。文学到了一定的境界，是灵魂的流淌，是生命力的自然喷涌。

 

出世并不意味着不近人情，稍加相近的理解是：以出世之心，做入世之事。出世意味着有所为，也有所不为。以心的独立换取灵魂的自由。

 

当然，我会尽量做好我该做的。比如当儿子，对父母，我会尽我的全力来孝敬，当一个合格的儿子。这比当作家更重要。当不了作家不要紧，但一定要做个合格的儿子，做一个明白人。当然，这“明白”，就是指看破虚幻，珍惜生命，在短暂一生中，做好应做的事。

 

写《大漠祭》们时，我不奢望出版，不奢望出名，更不奢望它能改变我的生活。我只是想完成而已。那时，我写了好多东西，但发表的不多。如果发表之后，仅仅是浪费别人的时间或浪费一些版面的话，我不如就干脆烧了它。

 

我眼中，除了生存的必需，别的需求，便是贪婪。人的欲望是无止境的，生命不息，欲望不止。但所有贪欲，都是罪恶的源泉。所以，我的长篇小说《猎原》的题记是：“在心灵的猎原上，你我都是猎物。”

 

有个当官的朋友，很有权，老想给我办件事，可我一直想不出有啥事能叫他办。当我吃饱肚子且无病痛时，实在没有可求之事。我只想尽快做完自己该做的事，能坦然地在死神来临前微笑。

 

在四十岁前的十多年里，我一日所求，不过两餐：早上喝点生绿豆面糊糊，中午吃一顿饭，不吃晚饭。后来，在鲁迅文学院上学时，我挡不住许多老师的关怀和交际的需要“破了戒”，以前总是过午不食的。除了买书，我日求两餐饭，年求两套衣。生存事务既已解决，金钱对我来说，已没有太大的用处。我有了住房，能吃饱肚子，有衣服穿，不喝酒，烟也戒了，有书看，足矣。钱太多也没有用。

 

如果外界的东西干扰了作家的灵魂，他绝不会有大成就。只有外现对灵魂的诱惑完全消失之后，智慧的灵光才可能显现。中国古代的哲人，用四个字就概括了这一真理：“定能生慧”。心灵有了定力，才可能产生智慧。这智慧出自心内，不是外来的东西。

 

声明：本文系文化志愿者试译，非专业人才翻译，错误定然不少，如出现疏漏及错误，敬请读者见谅。如有任何翻译上的建议及修正意见，欢迎及时与我们取得联系，我们会加以校对、修改，并希望有专业才能的朋友也能加入我们志愿者群体中来。

 

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